Wicked Road Page 9

  On second thought, instead of going to my room, I headed to Matt's room. I bit down on my nail as I noticed that his door was closed. Biting my nails was an old habit I picked up when my parents died, one I’d quit years ago.

  It was a habit that I didn't really admire all that much. My nail polish would chip and I'd have to repaint it. I hated this habit so much. It has been gone for years when I managed to live on without remembering what happened to my parents. But now the habit was back and I could not help it.

  Hesitating, I placed my unburned hand on the doorknob and twisted it, pushing it open. I closed the door after the pets followed me inside. Looking around his neat room, I realized he kept it way cleaner than mine.

  Memories of our time together had me choking and ready to cry again. Shadows in the corner of my eyes had me hoping it was him. Each time I saw the truth, my heart broke a little more. Each item in his room was like a piece of him, something he had used. It looked like he would just walk in and call out to me. No one could tell by his room that he was gone.

  His computer was off and the camcorder was resting on his computer desk table. On the four walls that surrounded his room he’d hung posters of his favorite bands and pictures of his own, Scarlet Dawn's Scars.

  I stared at my art. I took pictures of the band at perfect angles when they practiced, played at gigs, and had free time.

  Spike claimed that I was a better photographer than Jade. But he only said that just to annoy and anger Jade.

  Jade loved nature. He took pictures of beautiful landscapes and they always came out perfect. His dream was to become a photographer when he wasn’t working with the band.

  Spike on the other hand, just wanted to live his life in his own way, and become a successful drummer.

  My brother Mathew had much larger dreams. He wanted to be a successful vocalist in a world renowned band and travel the world, someday finding true love. Not just be content with a woman. He wanted real love that lasted a life time.

  But sadly, his life ended at eighteen, still a teen when his life was just starting.

  It was heartbreaking thinking about how one person could have so many dreams and goals when suddenly it all gets erased just by dying.

  Suddenly, the photos brought back a multitude of good and bad memories. At least I was good at some things, singing and taking perfectly angled photos.

  There was a picture frame on his night table beside where he slept from when he was six years old. It was a picture of him smiling being in the middle with his arms around his two best friends; Jade and Spike. They've been friends for years. I cried silently.

  My eyes strayed away from there to his computer desk. There was a white sealed envelope. I picked it up and turned it over. There was no name, but there was something in it. I bit down on my lip.

  What could possibly be in this envelope? There was a thick bundle of paper inside. But who was this exactly meant for? I had no clue. It wouldn't hurt to open, would it? Maybe it's meant for me or Jade, Spike, Ronnie, or Todd. Maybe it was for his old family, the family that abandoned him eighteen years ago.

  Without wasting another second, I tore it open, pulling out the sheets. Names of people I knew appeared before my eyes. The first letter to face me was for Todd. I didn't read it, so I placed it to the side. Then I was faced by another letter with my name on it.

  I checked the other notes. The rest were for Jade, Spike, Ronnie, and Angela. If there's one thing Todd taught me while growing up it was to respect others' privacy – even though I was curious I opened the envelope. I placed them down on the computer desk with Todd’s' and took only mine. Sitting on the middle of his bed with my legs crossed underneath me, I studied it for a moment. I touched my name, written in his handwriting, with my fingers gently. Then, I flipped it open, swallowing my fear.

  Reading just the first line, just my name, tears were already merging. The note said,

  “Don Don,

  By this time, I might be dead since you're reading this letter.

  How are you? Never mind that. You can't answer that. Well, not to a note when I'm gone.

  I don't really know what to say in a note. Plus, I don't know what makes me write this to you, write to everyone. I just felt that one day I was going to vanish from the world. I mean, don't we all? But my time felt awfully short.

  What I wanted to say to you is that I enjoyed having you as a sister even though we weren't blood related. That being together and living under one roof was fun. You're not a pain like Spike is. You're not like all those other girls out there that I have met in my life, you're different. And I admire that in you, because you never really are afraid to show who you really, truly are. You're a free-spirited girl who has so much potential. You know what's good and what's best for you. And you don't change yourself for the sake of someone else no matter what.

  It was really a pleasure to get to know you over the years and thanks for being our supporter and helping us with everything. Thanks for being by our side, by my side. Honestly, if I'd been given a chance to trade you for a brother, I wouldn't. Even though you are a girl, but that still doesn't matter to me. What bothered me the most though was you never shared your problems with me as I did with you. I guess you never took problems too seriously. Or probably you just tell Ronnie everything?! Ha ha.

  You have a beautiful voice. I suggest you don't waste it, because you have it all. And I honestly believe that when I'm gone you should take over my band. You can rename it if you want, I don't mind. But don't name it something too girly, for Spike and Jade's sake. Accomplish my dream for me. Get over your stage fright. Try, at least. I know you can overcome it. It's my biggest dream. And I'm asking you a favor that I surely wouldn't ask anyone else. Because I know you'll do it...

  Now my parents. When Todd gave me that letter just two months ago I went and searched for them. They were difficult to find, but I found them in the end, although they didn't matter. What mattered the most to me was that all of you were grand to me, special, and my family. They abandoned me. But if you want to spread the word that I'm gone to them, I don't mind. But there's only one problem. I lost their address and I can't remember any of it. So you might want to let Todd search for them. If you find them also give them the note that Todd gave me from them at the time when they abandoned me. I won't need it any longer.

  Now back to you. You've been the best sister for years and I never regretted having you in my life, despite all the times we argued or fought over something. We still managed to live and get through. As an overprotective, caring brother, I love you. Take care of Mia, Spike, Jade, Todd, Angela, and Ronnie for me, and even Candy-Cane. Not much to ask. And complete my dream for me. Take care of yourself too. It's a big world out there. I will miss everyone just as I love them all as one. Never forget me, but remember me. I left the world with a good mark...

  Oh, hey, and if you happen to stumble upon a guy who you fall in love with and he loves you back then introduce me to him. Have him talk to me or my grave, or talk to me about him. I'm just a grave away.

  This is my last, final goodbye.

  Love - Mathew – Matty-Matt.”

  I didn't realize I was reading the letter out loud until now. I imagined him sitting there on his desk, writing this, and rereading it. Maybe that's why I spoke it out loud. It felt like he was still here, right here with me.

  I held the letter against my chest and close to my heart. Tears had been falling since the first word. I just couldn't believe that he was gone. I missed him so much already, even though it'd only been two days.

  So I had to live my life and carry out his dream. How difficult! I couldn’t even overcome my stage fright at all. It's not as easy as he made it sound. How could I? I just could not do it. Not now, not right now. Plus, I didn't even know where to start from. I was still having a hard time coping with his loss.

  The other letters were going to go to their rightful owners as soon as possible.

  Candy-Cane was beside me on the bed
sleeping. I looked at Mia who whined. Good God, even Mia understood what was going on and happening.

  “It’s okay. I'll take care of you, of everyone,” I whispered, my voice cracking. I sniffled, petting her head. I wasn’t promising though, because for the first time, I wasn't really sure of myself. I couldn’t promise that I would take care of everyone when I knew someone, or some group out there could possibly hurt me. That same person killed my brother.

  I lay down on Matt's bed, and cried myself to sleep. For once I didn't know what the hell to do in my life, and I thought it was not the best time now to do as he’d asked. How could I when I couldn't even get over losing him? The world wasn't really a perfect place, no matter what you did for a living, or who you were or became. No matter how much a person tried, they just couldn't.

  Would I stay like this forever? Always depressed? Always getting the bad luck? Why did I always have to be the one to live while everyone around me that I loved died?! Why me?!

  I placed my hand underneath Matt's pillow, while laying my head on it, trying to sleep after crying. My hand touched something made of cloth. Confused, I took the pouch from underneath the pillow and held it in my hand. I stared at it with an encompassing emptiness and a blank stare. I brushed away my tears and sniffled instead. It had something inside it. Something that was neither hard nor solid.

  What is this? I thought.

  It was tied with dry hay at the top. With a little hesitation I tore the hay string and unfolded the cloth.

  In my hand lay three dirty blonde strings of hair, a cloth piece of one of Mathew's favorite shirts, and a piece of small paper. I took the little piece of paper and unfolded it. The writings were weird, symbols and letters which looked like an old language of some sort. Holding this stuff, I felt the strong energy coming from them. I was horrified. I screamed in fright.

  Oh my God, I knew it! Why would he do this? Mathew only beat him up to teach him a lesson to not mess with me. Why'd he take this kind of revenge...?

  He was the one who caused Mathew's death. He was the one that cut Tyler's breaks. He was the one that planned all of this. He was the one who cast demonic spells. He was the only person on earth that hated Mathew so much, he’d killed him. He was the one that made me hate myself more than I’d ever hated myself before. I couldn’t fathom how or why he’d so completely try to destroy my life right now!

  I'll bet...he was also the one who killed his parents.

  I knew for sure now who did the killing.

  A little while later, after crying and screaming, I angrily took the contents of the bag downstairs. Secretly, I was glad Todd wasn’t home. Stomping, I found a lighter and went into the back yard.

  Sitting down on the green grass, I started lighting every single thing on fire and crying fresh tears all over again. I watched the fire licking and consuming what was inside of the bag.

  It brought on a memory of my parents. I remembered the screaming, the pants, the gasps, the pain, the cries, and the burn. It also brought on the memory of Mathew dying. I closed my eyes and sighed deep as I counted from ten to one backwards a couple of times, something I learned from therapy a long time ago.

  After I reopened them and collected myself I looked into the distance. I couldn’t keep count of how many times I had felt paralyzed lately.

  I watched the fire till it all burned into ashes, till there was nothing left of it, till there was nothing left of the evidence just like the memory of my house burning down into nothingness.

  I was wrong.

  Revenge isn’t always beautiful.

  Chapter

  Seven

  It’d only been a week now since Mathew's tragic death and everyone I knew, that knew him, were still mourning over him. In fact, everyone was so into their loss, they never visited me anymore. Not Jade or Spike.

  Sometimes Ronnie did, but just to check on me. Todd actually had it hard, harder than me. I hadn't seen him come out of his office for the whole week.

  We attended Matt's funeral and a lot of people came to show that they loved Matt, even Tina, which was surprising. All this time I always thought she didn't have a heart! Tyler came, which wasn't surprising to me. At least it showed he had some respect for Mathew and his death.

  After the funeral on Saturday, after watching Matt's casket go six feet under, that's when it really hit me hard.

  I didn't care about anything in this world anymore. I didn't care what anyone did in this world anymore. I didn't even care about time. Nothing mattered. I shut myself out of the world and kept myself locked within a four walled cell. I didn't want to know the next big bad thing.

  Including Angela, there had been seven of us, and now there were six. Who else were we going to lose? Or who else am I going to lose? I didn't want to think about it. I can't lose anyone else. I just... can't...

  It was Monday, and lunch time at school. Four of us were sitting at the table, being quiet, being bored. Spike tried to keep things normal, but it was no use. The guys sat still, not touching their lunch trays. Things weren't the same without Mathew anymore. Every once in a while one of us would look over at Matt's seat, only to find it empty.

  Ghostly memories of him haunted each of us. Memories of Mathew as he sat with us, laughed with us, and as he made countless plans for the band.

  I sighed. I really need to clear my head a bit. It was very tedious and very disturbing to remember. I got up to go to the lunch line to buy a bottle of water. Waiting in line, there were loud conversations bursting from everywhere around me. It was difficult to catch up on the latest gossip of what everyone was talking about, especially for a non-caring person like me. I headed to the bathroom instead to shut out all the commotion that swirled around my head, and wait in there until the line ended. When I pulled open the bathroom door, I saw a couple of girls smiling, talking, giggling, and complaining about something being painful. Sadly, they turned out to be self-mutilating posers. They hid their blades once they saw me, thinking I was a teacher or something. A moment of wide eyed shock and then I composed myself.

  “Um, sorry,” I told them in a dead, flat voice and left the bathroom without saying another word.

  I went back to the line and huffed. Now we had cutting posers. Wow, so stupid. I'd never done anything reckless like that in my life.

  But...

  My mind spun with possibilities and irreversible thoughts of darkness and death. So many tangled emotions, tangled thoughts, and moments where it seemed I couldn’t breathe.

  As I stood there in that line, something dark crept over me. Something I’d never felt before Mathew’s death. Images and thoughts zipped chaotically through my mind, faster than I could understand them. It was as if something within me was changing and I was no longer the Donnie of the past… no longer Mathew’s Donnie.

  Destiny, fate, ripple effects, one act changing everything and my body was catching up. It was as if my reality was overlapping another reality. In that brief instantaneous moment, I began having strange thoughts.

  People cut themselves for lots of reasons such as inner pain, attention, and more.

  My sharp, inner pain would never heal but could this be what it took to ease it? Could my nagging guilt, riding every single second of the day be eased by this? Talking to people helped in no way whatsoever. The tears fell despite all my attempts to control them.

  Could this be what would help this blame I had of my brother’s death? I was the reason this happened. Marylin had told me the consequences and I ignored them. Mathew’s death bloodied my hands and if hurting myself was the answer, then so be it. Maybe Marylin would leave me alone if he was satisfied that I was paying for it all.

  These thoughts, jumbled in my head, one starting before the other ended, were gone before I knew it. Uncontrollable, insatiable urges to end this god forsaken pain of mine seemed to be the only answer for now.

  The research I’d done awhile back on Black Magic was beyond horrifying, the gruesome pictures burnt into my mind. I even looked
up the items I found under Matt's pillow, wondering what they symbolized. Items of Mathews used for Marylin’s dark, satanic ritual that lead to his death.

  When I say there's a difference between the religions of Paganism and Satanism, I mean it.

  From what I read and understood of magic is that it's based on energy and power, depending on how you use it, either for good or bad. Magic gives a person what they want, need, and desire.

  White magic tends to influence a ritual, meaning kind of like a warm up or start. You can control it, and there's no need for force since it's usually tended for good use. It wasn’t strong, but enough to activate a spell. Black magic on the other hand, was the strongest of all. A person could control it, but also force it.

  When witches practiced Black magic, it was to give them greater power for something to actually happen. Witches used belongings of another person to cast a spell on them. They could use a lock of hair, a piece of cloth from the victim's favorite clothes, a picture, blood (real blood as in human or animal), herbs, crystals, voodoo dolls, etc. Also, in magic, symbols are very, very important. Especially the pentagram, which represents the five elements: spirit, fire, water, earth, and air.

  Also, witches used the language of old, ancient Latin to conjure magic.

  So, when Marylin used Black Magic, he used it for bad. And the pentagram he drew and used wasn't the upward pointed one that good witches used. But the introverted pentagram that Satanists used along with the numbers six-six-six. The mark of the Beast.

  The thought of someone being able to cast magic spells made my bones cold and my skin shudder with fear, because I knew it was real now. He could hurt anyone.

  Oh God. I just realized something. If Marylin could do demonic rituals by stealing people's personal belongings and he killed Mathew, then had Marilyn killed someone before?

  The police couldn’t know Marylin had murdered at least one person. Was Mathew his first?